I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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