that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize