Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
