my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
