I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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