I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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