The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
