I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
