grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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