Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
