the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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