I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
birth control should be required to get into college
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
