So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
