she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
