Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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