I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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