You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
