turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
