i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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