Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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