i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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