i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
