Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
