she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
