I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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