Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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