you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize