My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just pynch a tree in the face
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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