Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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