We're facebook friends in real life
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
