the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
