Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
