I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
