It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
