I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
