if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
