He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
