I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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