I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
