Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
