Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
