I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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