also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
