i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
