Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
