Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
