In America we eat man semen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize