One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize