There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
