Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The Olympian is in my bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
