I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
