He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
