I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
