And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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