oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
