Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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