Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
