I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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