he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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