he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
