just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize