i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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