this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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