Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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