He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize