i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
