I wish I could teleport
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
