i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
