after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
