And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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