Yo dont text me then not text me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
