actually, I'm a sock model
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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